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Sunday, December 19, 2010

Articulation Attempt

If only I could
Spare you
This pain
Lift you up and out
Of this
Scary place
We now call home

If I could just
Take it all away
Give you
Toddlerhood without unspeakable

1,456 syringes of medicine
In 182 days
I have tricked and terrorised you into
And more to come
Always more

I can’t stop it
Hide it
Deny it
Nor run away with you

I can’t give in
To your screams
Of protest
At times
So desperate and grim

All I can do
Is love you
Like it's a mental disease
Love you
With hugs, kisses and late night vigils’
With words sung
Like lullabies on the wind
Of your soul

And I can
Hold this space
Look you in the eye
Share the burden
Of your truth

I can stand up
Sit down and crawl
For you
And silence those
Who deny
And be your voice against those
Who squash
Your needs
For their “shoulds
And remind the numbers
That you are human

Humanity itself being heard

No one knows
Not even I
Who have journeyed with you
And held your eye

Only you
The light that illuminates
Your star

You shine
And grow
And continue
To smile

If only I could
Make the hurt disappear

But I can
Love you

I can
Daddy can
Brother can
You can
We can


  1. Unbelievably heartbreakingly beautiful.....motherhood in its fullness and most acute pain...we love you all....lisa and tilda xx

  2. Beauty in such heartbreak Cindy. This is so eloquently, painfully expressed. All my love to you and your boys for Christmas. xxx

  3. Thanks Rach and Lise - UDABEST. x